Stay with Me

Why do people talk?
Umpteen possible answers.
Most ones quite plausible as well.
I wish I could stop talking,
at least to a certain extent.
I would like to put a reign on my tongue.
Less, less and much less talk,
shrink, withdraw, curl, coil.
The conversation that goes on endlessly
within my mind will go on,
but I wish to stop, rather limit my verbalization.

I wish to talk to myself,only to myself .
Then there will be no finger pointed at my face,
no blaming, no criticizing.
I will not be charged with crimes I never committed,
crimes I never even fancied.

To be with myself
that is safe, peaceful.
No talking about sufferings, pains, losses
betrayals, neglect, exploitations
no tears, no useless arbitration.

Human company is torment.
The more the dependence the more the pain.
Independence is best.
Within relationships the smarter ones
see to it that the other one does not claim it.
Then talk, bitter talk emerges
from the one who aspires freedom,
independence, space.
Realizations dawn gradually,
it is not easy to break off,
to re establish free existence.

Try as I might, I fail.
Things do not fall in place.
Years it takes and futile attempts!
Things just refuse to fall in place.

I speak about my frustrations
my losses, my time running out.
I wish not to accuse, criticise or blame.
My intentions are different but words,
right words do not come at the right time.
I end up like I rave and rant.
Others with their mastery of words conquer me
I become what I am not, in their words
what I never was, never wished to be.

Then I wish I could keep my words to myself.
If they are of no help to me,
if they too are ineffectual just like me,
why send them forth?
Just like I wish to keep myself to myself
my words too, with me stay.